communication style therapy

I donapos;t understand sometimes. Everyday I replay my life over and over. What was it that made me lose control? I am afraid the depth of my sadness is too far for repair. My only hope is finding my way into the light. I am often told it is for weak minded people who cannot comprehend death and "nothing." Neither darkness nor light. Iapos;m not afraid of Nothing. I often think to myself it is quite the easier option. It is this pain that I am slowly becoming accustomed to. My burns continuously get deeper, and I think if I head down this path a few more years I will hit my breaking point. Itapos;s not even that I think it, I just about expect it to happen. That explains my apathy. But my family doesnapos;t get it. After all I donapos;t. I realize that I am in a vicious cycle and all it takes is for me to step out. But I donapos;t think I can. My self esteem is incredibly low and I donapos;t feel as sharp as I once was. Then I start to think was I ever at all? Was I ever anything I though I once had been? I am not the baby anymore, without having any younger siblings. Am I even number five, or have I been completely pushed out of the equation? Why should I even care? My hardly parents who treat each other like shit. Your big mouths talk of leaving one another. Can you even begin to realize not a single other person in the world would put up with your crap? And my siblings who would put every other person in the world before me. Why do I feel so alone when I come from such a large family? I have come to the conclusion that my child hood lied to me, and I have been brainwashed by the Disney company. Twenty years and I have not seen a single happy ending. Surrounded by drugs in my childhood, depending on alcohol as an escape in my teen years. I am terrified of having a future because my life has and always will be a pile of shit. I just want to runaway. I want to runaway and never look back. I feel as if I am not alive...I feel as if life has abandoned me.
communication style therapy, communication style type, communication style types, communication style values.